keenan paul reimer-watts


i once disliked my name
due to the sound of it

do you like your name?

i always thought
keenan was weird
paul was boring
and reimer
a little bland

then there was watts
that sound came 
with a lot of feeling
and it felt to be in stark contrast
to the reimer

in fact
it almost felt
a little angry at the reimer
hurt because of the reimer
confused and scared of the reimer

and the reimer
well it just pretended
nothing was happening
while deep down
there was a
profound
pain

inexpressable

silent

so that was a tough half of a name


reimer-watts


what a beautiful tension
though

in a way

because at least
these two names are connected
and that's beautiful
right?


and so  it is
try we all do, but
as long as we make two
the reimer and the watts
struggling for space
are bound together
trying to be
tethered
'i,i'

me

you
 
well

i wonder if that line
is necessary between the two names?

perhaps we could let go
one step further

we could remove the line
so they all have their own space

just put them all together!

it could be:


keenan paul reimer watts


there

that feels much nicer

every

one

gets

its

own

space

for

each

sound

is

entirely

individual

and

unique

and

beautiful

truly, you know
i feel that this is 
a sacred thing to understand
there are spaces for a reason
and the reason is of land
in the spaces twixt
grains of sand
each one the
land where
your you
stands

and so, existing on its own as a beautiful crystallization of

one

well wonderful

but it begs the question:

why do we prefer some names over others?

i am glad
reimer and watts
are together

it feels right

but i mean...
why lose names?

i feel that is
a nicer way to look at it

why lose names?

then i thought


hey!

let's put them all
together again
and learn
about
each
one
'nd then
never let
this story rest
until it's day
its job
is done

because you can trace any sound back
to the first true source
then you'll hear
your 
name 
in all others
leaving you no choice
but to treat them all as family
for that's all we are
the "you" and "me"
just tiny spaces
between the
grains
of
sand
washed up
from the sea


and so here we are


i am going to re-write my name
and include all the names that i can

or, as i see it
every other sound
related to me
for everyone
(you here)
to read
and be
free

and hopefully we will all come to see
the sounds all lead back to

"me"

i mean...

"you"

well, "us"

um.

oh yeah,
what about the...
what about the the other stuff?

what?

the other stuff

like the animals
and trees
and soil
and sky
and sound
and song
and this feeling
called love

oh...
right.


well
...you know
it's more a

'we'

'nous'

'tous'

'everything'

'le'

'it'

uhhhh...

"gashg"

"betdc"

"typpdet"

...

it doesn't really matter
what sound you write or make
because it is beyond sound
and we all know that





















































on that note...

why not just hear it in everything?
but that's just my own opinion
it seems everyone needs
to have their
own

"thing"

well
you think
and realize







some times
all you can do
is leave a
little
bit
of







on a page
where perhaps
us people
will
see
it







and realize
it's not really
them seeing
but it is
it isn't
or yes
it is











and then maybe
they look up
to see

'it'

everywhere



















































what more
can you do?

and now
i will begin
for i am very curious

what does my name mean?

keenan

i have met a number of keenan's
perhaps about four
over the course of my life

each time there was a funny energy
like, 'wait, what?'
as we both were surprised to find another

i have felt the name

keenan

in many odd ways

keenan just didn't feel stable
it didn't feel comfortable
it felt like it was left out, in a way
but then, i learned its meaning

now i really enjoy it
because when i introduce myself to people
i am curious about their name meaning
and i share mine

all of a sudden
people start thinking in a deeper way
about who they are
and where they are from
and where they are going

keenan
or cianán
is a male irish name
meaning 'ancient, distant'
(thank you to wikipedia)

it is the anglicisation of the irish name cianán
which is a diminutive of cian

ok

the ó cianáin clan (keenan)
were the traditional historians to the mcguire clan

now, i don't know any mcquire clan stuff
so this is interesting
because apparently at one point i did

perhaps one day i will look into the mcguires
but it is not this day

the name keenan
originates from the ancient
pre 10th century gaelic name
o'cianain meaning
"the descendant of the faithful one"

it's really odd to be pu- like, publicly posting
about this process

the learning the meaning of my name

it's quite close to home
already many times while writing this
i have had to be conscious of a quiet voice of fear
saying that everyone will judge me perhaps
for giving myself so much personal attention
and posting about it

but what could ever be wrong with wanting to understand
the names through which you live your life?

and really
i am mainly writing this
so that perhaps you will be curious
about your name, as well.

but still
it is quite vulnerable
to say i believe names have meaning
and then read just now
that it means
"the descendant of the faithful one"

that is quite a large sentiment
i'm not even sure what it means
i mean, i'm just living my life over here
doing what feels right

but in any case, there it is:

keenan

ancient
distant
the descendant of the faithful one

i am certainly left confused
but also i think it's pretty cool

anyways
click here
to read more

there may mot be many keenan's soon
the name has gone down in popularity quite a lot
from 362nd in 1992
to 607th in 2006

apparently
also
the first caianain
was adam o'caianain

a well known historian who was the 
canon of lisgoon in fermanagh

well

this leaves lots of questions
about the mcguires
the ó cianáin clan
what's happening with the popularity of this name
what does it mean to be a descendant of the faithful one
and so on

but i feel this is a good start

i hope this feels honest
it really is an exploration for me
and to be totally honest
it's a little odd
i'm afraid to be curious
but i don't know why
because it seems
it should be
the most normal thing

to ask the question

who am i? 

paul

now
i grew up mennonite
that's a whole world unto itself
i wish that i could say i knew better that culture
but you know the reason i am me today
is because i always tried
to stay at arms
length

from culture, that is

however,
as little as i really understand
about the mennonite story
the name paul
was still definitely a 'mennonite' name

so

i've always had a funny relationship with this connection
because mennonite is also a line
and that has troubled me

i don't like belonging to lines
i think that my discomfort even got to the point
where i didn't want to have a name

but then
i learned what paul means
and this changed a lot

because instead of paul being associated
with a large group of people
it became associated
with virtues
descriptions
stories

and finally

belonging

paul is a common masculine name
recorded in over 200 spelling forms around the world
and can function both as a given name and a surname

well this is kinda nice
in a poetic sort of way
that paul is my middle name
stuck right between
a surname
and a given name

this makes sense
considering paul
is derived
from

paulus

a name of pre-christian origins
derived from the roman family name paulus or paullus

the spellings are varied:

paul
paule
pawle (england)
paolo in
spain and portugal
pauli and polo
in italy
palle in germany

pabel in czech
pal in hungary

to many many more
such as paulson
pauly
paolozzi
pavek
and so on

i really like how ethereal this name is
with all of its different spellings

but most wonderfully
i learned that it means

small

which in fact
became a baptismal term
one of endearment
as in

'small person'

click here
if you want to read more
it's quite interesting

in fact, it goes on to say
that the name comes from the latin adjective meaning
'small' or 'humble'

it is funny
you know
how sounds acquire meaning

paul
for a long while
was very based in christianity
and that was uncomfortable
because it felt like
a line

now
however
it's much older
meaning something quite unique
something beautiful

being humble and small are virtues
and they are virtues i try to cultivate
in a beautiful way
every day

i feel like paul is a reminder to stay present
for all of the small things make up the big things
and the present is where
you see
the small things
and tend to them
and the world will dance around you
and speak its gratitude
through all sound

this is alright

i can handle paul
what i like is how broad it is
how open
and how honest

well
i think i am going to go to a dance party
take care

and ask yourself
what's in your name?





 

 

reimer

this name has
more recently
really felt like home

now, reimer has a beautiful sound to it

i'll admit
it's been confusing
at times
because of that hyphen

for a long time i was confused
about what reimer meant

but it feels a lot better now
it is learning
to stand on its own

i never really wondered what it meant

it comes from my mothers fathers side
so naturally i associated it mostly with him

the name reimer
was first recorded in this spelling in a tax lien registry
in 1283
click here
to read more
apparently the village of Sehestedt was founded
with the property registered under this name

anyways

it has many spellings
reiman
riemar
reimer
ramiro (spanish)
reimers
reijmers (dutch)
reymers
remmers

and more here
and more here

74% of the reimers in canada
lived in manitoba
in 1911
that's where i learned my reimer comes from
to learn more
click here

however
reimer goes back even further
connecting with reinmar

this is pre 5th century germany
and relates even further back to raginmari

this consists of the elements
ragin
and mari

ragin means wise, or counsel
mari means famous

click here
to learn more

these words feel funny
i don't like that they exist
because they presume
other things are not these words
but the opposites

often i wish that we would see
that words cut up reality
a one that is only made of me
and also you, you see?

in any case
words are words
and use them we must
but i hope we all see
that in truth
our words
are nothing but dust

or leather

because apparently
reimer may be related to
riemaere
this is related to rieme(n)
meaning strap
belt
or thong
relating back to the old high german
riomo

all this said
it leaves me in a funny place
council, wise, and fame are all big words
and i don't really know what this means

of course
that's only if we feel
it needs to mean anything

as they are just sounds
and you need to wonder
where these sounds came from

perhaps the rein
comes from a river

and mar
perhaps the sea

but i suppose it doesn't
really matter
cause all sound
leads back
to me











 

watts

watts
has always been a very confusing
and emotional sound
but i am so glad
to have this name

my love for the watts has grown
with each passing year
understanding
seeing

so now
i am ready to embrace it
although it is a little funny
reading all this stuff

i just have to remember
sound is sound is sound
the song that is always singing
all born from the ground

well, so far
it's a place in Los Angeles
and associated with many interesting people

i just warded of a feeling
of slight hesitation
linking to alan watts
so here you go 

anyways
i read here
that this name is ultimately
pre 7th century in origin

it comes from the norman-french
and the germanic people

i read here that these folks did all sorts of things

in any case
there are many other names
it is related to 

walt, watt, wattin, wattins, wattis, wautier and wattier
perhaps even watkinson, watkins, and watkiss

there's also some other fascinating variations
like wathes
who was apparently a soldier of fortune
and hung out with stephen

but however watts is spelt
it came from a name of medieval times

that name was walter

anyways
you can read more
but i want to focus on

wald
meaning 'to rule'
and heri
meaning 'an army'

i read that here

now
you can't trust everything on the internet

but regardless of whether or not it's true
that that's what that means
i am very glad my middle name is paul
because those are some pretty strong words
and i am quite sure i don't like that they exist

in any case
it's all sound

and according to wiktionary
wald can also mean woods
or forests

i like that
and you can click along until you arrive at
walþuz
also meaning forest

and potentially relating, also, to:
hair
corn
oat awn
ears of wheat
and hairy

or any of this

but i like forest
so i'm going to stick with that for fun

heri

(wiktionary tells me)
means 'on a mountain'
and is related to the proto-indo-european
*h₃eros

meaning elevated
supposedly

anyways this is all quite funny

i mean
to be honest
i would love to be an
ancient
distant
small
wise
councillor
of an elevated
forest army

except i'm not sure i like that last word

perhaps instead of forest army
we can say 'ent group'
that's more fun
 
you know
i always just thought of watts as electricity
and that i joked
when i rhymed
(as a reimer)
my words were electrified by the watts

anyways
uhhh
that was fun
doing that when I was younger

ok
so
that's enough for now
it brings me to the next chapter of this journey
to start adding names

i plan on talking to my grandfather
and grandmo(yawn)thers
going back through all of the names that are related

and just keep tagging them on up here
talking about what they mean 

it's really beautiful
understanding your name
it brings you to a deeper understanding
of yourself

at least
i feel that way

it's easier to be free
when i knows me
all the words, poetry
like sounds
of the trees
 

i hope you take some time
and learn what your name means

i would guess
that you will be in for a surprise